Day 7!

Day 7: Forgive & forget. Say you're sorry to someone who needs your apologies.

I’ll be honest, since the day we created this calendar, I’ve been dreading today. If you look in a thesaurus, there’s not one happy word associated with ‘sorry’: regretful, sad, remorseful, unhappy. Glad even means the opposite! So, great, November 7 is going to be extraordinary, unhappy, remorseful, regretful ... simultaneously. Nevertheless, I forced myself to stick with the November project by offering forgiveness and apologies today.

How I feel about forgiveness and admitting I’m wrong is a lot like how I feel about folding laundry. I do all of the steps of doing the laundry flawlessly up until that point: sorting by color, choosing the right cycle, adding detergent, and placing in the dyer. Then I just let it sit there, maybe place it in a basket, until it all becomes wrinkly and I need to start over.

Today, I feel like that’s what I did with a friendship. I put time, energy, and emotions into it. We made it through a ton, and there's more than a few occasions where I could turn to her before anyone else. Until, naturally two people can't agree on everything always, and selfishness always comes into play. That brings us to forgiveness, I feel like our friendship came so far, only to be left to become tainted, weathered, or well...wrinkly, because I'm too stubborn and unmotivated to face the fear of having to forgive and forget. Now, it's to the point where the friendship, laughs, and memories we shared are faded.... and we either need to start over or forget a friendship.

But, what exactly is forgiving and forgetting? Is it possible to truly forgive and forget? How can you really erase something that hurt you from your memory? Does saying, I’m sorry or I forgive you, really make a difference? Don't actions speak louder than words? What makes me deserve someone's forgiveness, or them deserve mine?

Today, I decided, for me, forgiveness is a choice. The choice to let it be. The realization that no one can change the past. The recognition that's it's just not worth it to hold on to resentment, bitterness, and cattiness. The choice to hold on to the fun times, the times when that friend you’re so mad at was there for you when no one else was. So, today, I took the cleansing steps of letting go; even if I can't erase things from my memory, I'm making a choice to take a step forward with a person I still respect and care about.

I think, I’m going to write Mr. Webster a letter asking him to add choice, cleansing, and maybe even wrinkle-releaser to 'sorry' in the thesaurus.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone. -Audrey Hepburn